October is such a special month for me. Every year I spend the month in deep deep reflection. I try to spend intentional time looking back over my last year as I get ready to start another trip around the sun. I mean my birthday isn't until the 31st so I have plenty of time to get ready.
My Golden Year was focusing on Intimacy, I wanted to know myself on a deeper - more personal level. I wanted to understand and love the intricate details of my being that not even I had seen. The life-changing lessons of 31 gave me power and love no journey around the sun has ever given me before.
31 has been the year of seeing things in a new way and intimate way. Forcing myself to change the way I see the world - my people, my country, and the way I see me - my journey, my liberation, my beauty.
31 taught me the power I have when I allow myself to change my perspective. When I allowed myself to see the beauty of what could be and not be blinded by the pain of the moment.
31 showed me parts of myself I forgot existed. I journeyed through self-intimacy and I found the little broken girl hugging her knees to her chest as that was the only comfort she knew.
31 showed me the dangerous ways the subtly of white supremacy still lived in parts of me rent-free. How painful it was to discover some of our beliefs, values, reactions, and traditions are rooted in the oppression of my own people.
31 opened my eyes to see the suffocating hold religion has always had on me. The courage and strength to loosen its grip off me. The journey of my spirituality showed me how to find an abundance of grace, love, and honesty the church never taught us about.
31 taught me the importance of upholding my own boundaries, and as much as I want to take them down for those I love, the love of myself gives me the strength I need to keep holding them up for me own well being.
"Perception is reality." This last year taught me the power I hold. The beauty I see in myself and my people. The overflow of grace I can offer. The patience I deserve and others. Freedom is mine for the taking. 31 showed me my reality starts with changing my perspective of it.
With my 32nd birthday just days away, I want to share my journey in a more personal and intentional way. To be very honest, I'm terrfied. Sharing my work has always scared me, but I noticed a trend that started very early on in my writing career. I was writing stories for others to see. I was writing stories I felt were necessary. I had a desire to give a voice to the voiceless but I'm starting to see that my own voice suffered because I wasn't writing for me. So in this season of my life, I'm going to write for me as well as share my journey. People have always told me to write a book, write about my life, but I always silenced that thought with thinking "no one is going to listen about me. Who cares about me?" I guess I felt others had the right to have their stories shared and not mine. I guess that's what imposter syndrome does to you. It's what it did to me, silenced me but I'm taking my voice back.
I'm excited to see what 32 will AWAKEN in me. Happy Halloween.